Self-Image ... a work in progress

ya know, simply put, sometimes life can be a bitch. 

excuse the language :)

life most certainly has its ups and its downs...they are part of what makes us who we are.  how we overcome struggles, how we deal with stress, the way we handle life's excitements...all play a role in shaping who we are.  in my last post i informed my small group of followers that i fractured 2 (possibly 3 i learned!) vertebrae.  due to this unexpected life event, i have been 'out of commision' for some time now.  by this i mean i can't life anything, couldn't drive for a while, and couldn't exert to much energy doing anything.  well my darned body is the type of body that just needs and craves exercise.  i gain weight very fast.  it's a curse, really.  unfortunately my body is showing that i had a serious injury.  i cannot find clothes that look good on me and i certainly can't pull any outfit i would like out of my closet because they don't all fit!  it's actually been pretty depressing.  i mean i already had an awful body image and now it's 10x worse.  i absolutely hate..dispise...loathe the way i look now.  and you know what?  i hate feeling this way about my body!  i hate being uncomfortable in my own skin.  when i was smaller (last summer) i was pretty confident (though not entirely) and i felt good in the clothes i was wearing. 

ok, so to fix this......  i've been eating better, for one.  this is by far my biggest hurdle.  i have never been one of those people who gets 'bored' with their workouts.  i love working out.  i love lifting weights.  i love being in the gym.  i do however get bored with my diet.  very easily.  this is why i 'veer off course' sometimes.  so lately i have been trying to change up what i eat so i don't get bored as easily.  also, i have been in the gym.  don't worry, not lifting anything.  i have been getting on the elliptical for at least 45 minutes a day.  i hate not getting to the gym and i don't want my back to be an excuse of some sort. 

lately (being single and all) i've been thinking of the quote that says something along the lines of "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else".  i've been thinking about it because i most certainly do not 'love' myself (mostly my image issues).  i never really thought this statement is true because i know that i have love to give.  ...however since i am single, that means that i have to put myself out there in some ways, which means having confidence.  which means I'm not going to be going on a date any time soon because i'm not exactly radiating confidence.  so unattractive, i know.  i hate when guys don't have confidence, and i'm being so hypocritical!  i know i can love (or at least like, so soon for love!) someone else without 'loving' myself, but i'm not going to get anywhere in the near future....unless some nice, caring guy i'm attracted to can boost my self-image!

this is so much complaining, i know.  but this blog is a good spot for me to vent!!  also it is called Confessions of a Patriotic Barbie.  not feeling like barbie any more.   ughhhh!!  i wish i had the money to hire a cook and am awesome fitness trainer who has a good record!

wellll, my birthday is at the end of the month, and it also marks 6 weeks since the day of my fall :)  i can't wait to get back in the gym and lift!  i miss it.

y'all have very blessed day and i am going to try to do the same...i feel better now that i've vented on the internet :)

Ash     ( i'm at work and don't have my signature thingy :P )